Let me invite you into my brain. Somewhere between 10-50 times a day I ask myself this (about many various and random things):
"Am I the problem or the solution?"
Why do I do this? Because I am a crazy Virgo that feels I must perfect every action of my being from tooth-brushing to fish-feeding (Note that I say action. If you have seen my house you know that I don't care too much about perfecting my possessions). I never have an answer; it's just a little bit of self-torture that I love to cram into my already over-processed brain.
But I'll tell you what I do know. Change takes a long time. You take little baby steps until one day you forget why you even started. At which point I usually find something new to carp on.
I want to say that each time I torture myself that I will instead remind myself that "Change takes time!" I want to say that I will be vigilant in my inspirational statement until I forget all about that annoying question that I so frequently worry about. But, for some reason I don't want to let go of this one. Perhaps there is some way to marry my perfectionism with a degree of moderation? With some sort of sympathy for myself and my lowly imperfect state? I've been trying to become a happier person (another quest for perfection!), but does that mean I have to turn my back on crazy Virgo tendencies?
Once again, way to many questions with no answers.
But on the note of change...one thing is clear. I can't go on with this blog the way that it is. I either need to start a new one or change this one up or something. It's working it's way through my brain, but as I said before: Change takes time. (I want to make it just PERFECT!)
i am so glad you are writing, it is pretty cool to see just how differently our brains work. I don't think I have ever asked myself if I am the problem or the solution, but maybe I should start. And Change does take time, it's like getting into shape. There is no quick fix, no miracle pill, you just have to get out there and start exercising...and over time you get the results you want. Of course I think genetics play a large part of who we are, and I am not sure you can actually change those things about yourself. For example I have come to the sad conclusion that I am a lazy person. Nothing I can do to actually change that it's who I am deep down to the bone and it's one of the things I really dislike about myself. But I can work on finding things that tend to motivate/inspire me and remind myself to use those things in order to get the things I need to accomplish accomplished. Like exercising, this is something I am going to have to do for the rest of my life in order to be the person I want to be. Anyways, thanks for writing, it gives me a chance to delve into my own thoughts :)
ReplyDeleteWhat a good analogy! That's one form of exercise I definitely practice!
ReplyDeleteI say there's no reason that you can't intermingle your current blog with your newer blog, but if that's too much for you, then create a new blog for your insights and writing, and keep the family blog going as well!! You are talented with words lady, and I love that you share that talent with us!
ReplyDeleteBaby steps are good things. And asking yourself questions to see what needs to be changed is awesome. I need to do that more often than I do! Sometimes most of us get so wrapped up in just living life, that we don't reflect and think about life. Pats on the back to you for taking the time to think about it.